Bulwer-Lytton
I suppose I ought to record that the Bulwer-Lytton competition has just announced its annual results, there is a nice summary by Apostrophe, I rather like his favourite too! But I also liked:
I peeled my body off the alcohol-soaked carpet, spat the cigarette butts out of my mouth, licked my lips with a tongue that felt and tasted like a rat that had been lightly sauteed in lighter fluid, and after struggling to what a quick visual inspection confirmed were apparently my feet, decided that the next time a seven- foot-tall Lebanese fisherman called Bottomless Mary challenged me to an ouzo-drinking contest I wouldn't wear suede shoes.